Hey Guys I am Donna, and welcome to my parenting blog. Don’t you know it, but do you hurt your teen’s relationship? Take a step back and look at how you talk to people.
Parents often make mistakes when they talk to their kids, like talking more than listening and playing down what the kids are saying.
Don’t worry—this article i can help you change the way you talk to.
You can improve your relationship with your teen and have more meaningful talks if you know about and avoid these common mistakes.
Are you ready to learn how to talk to your kid better?
#1. Talking Over Listening
Okay, So that is the main thing you should understand first.
Teenagers will feel heard, understood, and valued if you listen to them more than you talk to them. To have a good relationship with your kid, you need to listen.
You need to give them your full attention, make eye contact, and really want to know what they have to say. By actively listening, you give your kid a chance to talk about how they feel without being judged or interrupted.
One more important thing for good conversation is empathy. Try to understand your child by putting yourself in their shoes. Let them know you understand how they feel.
Solution
Trying to understand different points of view is necessary for open talk. Let your kid say what they think, even if it’s different from what you think.
This encourages freedom and independence. Respecting them shows that you care about what they have to say.
Okay let’s take this example to understand:
Sarah was excited to tell her mom Jane about making the varsity soccer team, but whenever she tried to share the news, her mom kept interrupting with stories from her own teenage years. Sarah eventually gave up trying to tell her mom because Jane kept talking over her.
Later, Jane noticed Sarah seemed upset. When Jane asked what was wrong, Sarah explained that she had tried to share some important news earlier but felt like her mom wasn’t listening. Jane apologized for interrupting and asked Sarah what she had wanted to tell her. Sarah happily shared the news about making the varsity team while her mom listened attentively.
Be like Jane.
#2. Minimizing Situations
If you want to have a real relationship with your child, you shouldn’t brush off or ignore their feelings and experiences. If a teen feels like their worries aren’t being taken seriously, they may feel rejected and don’t have the chance to become close with their parent.
Solution
Instead, try to validate their feelings and listen to their worries with empathy. Take the time to understand their point of view and help them in a caring and supportive way.
It’s important to listen to your kid without judging them or talking over them when they tell you about their problems. Give them your full attention to show that you care about how they feel and what they’re going through. It’s okay to want to help them right away, but remember that sometimes all they need is someone to listen and understand.
#3. Putting the Blame On
It’s important not to blame your teenager when things go wrong. Blaming them can hurt your relationship and make it harder to talk openly.
Solution
- Encourage your teen to talk openly without fear of being judged
- Work together to solve problems instead of blaming your teen
- Guide and support your teen to make better choices
- Help your teen take responsibility for their actions and learn from mistakes
- Understand your teen’s feelings instead of blaming them
Teenagers will avoid you if you blame them for their problems. You build trust and help them grow when you don’t point the finger and work together.
#4. Quick to Disapprove
Instead of criticising your teen’s behaviours, try to comprehend their perspective and offer advice with sympathy.
Maintaining open communication, trust, and respect with your teenager requires avoiding disapproval.
When you express displeasure without understanding your teen’s perspective, it can limit communication and damage your relationship.
Solution:
Listen carefully before speaking to prevent disapproval. Understanding their viewpoint shows respect for their sentiments.
Use “I” words instead of “you” statements to communicate your worries in open, nonjudgmental talks.
Here is a table that shows the most important ways to avoid disapproval and increase understanding so that conversation is more fun and easy to understand:
| Strategies for Avoiding Disapproval | Benefits of Understanding Viewpoints |
|---|---|
| Listen fully before sharing opinions | Fosters open communication |
| Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements | Builds trust |
| Engage in non-judgmental conversations | Promotes understanding |
| Offer feedback with empathy and support | Encourages growth |
| Show respect for your teen’s thoughts and feelings | Strengthens the parent-teen relationship |
#5. Problem Solving for Them
Okay, now read this carefully…
Your teen’s growth depends on you letting them be independent, and giving them problem-solving skills will help them face challenges with confidence. Your kid needs to learn how to deal with the ups and downs of life by becoming resilient.
You’re teaching them to be independent and take responsibility for their deeds by letting them help you solve problems. Developing a growth mindset is important for their general way of thinking and how they solve problems.
Solution:
Here are five ways to nurture problem-solving skills in your teenager:
- Provide a supportive space for them to voice their opinions.
- Validate and comprehend their concerns by carefully listening.
- Open-ended inquiries let people work through difficulties and find answers.
- Guide and support rather than addressing their difficulties. Encourage them to brainstorm and examine ideas.
- Despite disappointment, celebrate their efforts and achievements. Their confidence and resilience will increase.
#6. Ideas That Are Broken
You can help your child get through tough times by not ignoring their ideas. Help them feel safe and encouraged while you listen to them. You need to keep your teen interested, encourage their imagination, help them grow, show that you value their ideas, and boost their confidence so they can talk to you properly.
Solution:
If you don’t agree with their point of view, ask them about it to show that you value it and want to learn more.
Asking them tough questions helps them think about their views and decide if they are true. Listen and agree with them to help them. This keeps them safe and makes your relationship stronger.
Parents shouldn’t ignore what their kids say; they should help them.
Make sure everyone treats your child with respect and is willing to listen, so your child can speak up and help solve problems.
This short list will help your teen think of things to do:
| Encouraging Curiosity | Valuing Creativity | Supporting Growth | Respecting Opinions | Fostering Confidence |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Respond with curiosity | Value unique ideas | Offer guidance | Listen actively | Acknowledge efforts |
| Ask probing questions | Encourage innovation | Provide resources | Respect their views | Celebrate successes |
| Show interest | Embrace different perspectives | Encourage learning | Validate their thoughts | Build self-esteem |
#7. Disrespectful Interactions
But parents of teenagers can also feel offended by their child. In either way, this is possible. Because they won’t feel safe talking to you, your teen will not feel like you respect them.
here is an example to understand this:
Kevin, who was 16, was late for bed, so his dad yelled, “You never listen!” You don’t follow our rules!” Kevin yelled back, “You don’t understand anything!” and slammed his door shut.
Both sides are showing disrespect by being rude to each other. Instead of having a quiet conversation, the dad starts to show his anger right away by using hurtful words. Kevin yells back and slams his door loudly in defence.
Solution
Create a respectful and nurturing environment by modeling positive communication and addressing disrespectful interactions with your teen. Building respect is essential for a healthy parent-teen relationship. Encourage dialogue and create opportunities for open communication to foster understanding between you and your teen.
Here are five ways to address disrespectful interactions:
- Set clear expectations and boundaries for respectful communication.
- Address disrespectful behavior immediately and calmly.
- Teach your teen alternative ways to express frustration or anger.
- Practice active listening and fully understand your teen’s perspective.
- Offer guidance and support in finding solutions to conflicts.
#8. Forcing Timely Conversations
You should be aware that teens are more likely to share their deepest thoughts and feelings when they are relaxed than when it is easy for them to do so. Your child’s plan can’t be changed to fit a meeting. Young people will sometimes just bring up something that is bothering them without being asked.
Solution:
Instead of forcing conversations with your kid, let them happen on their own. To connect with your kid, you need to talk to them at the right time. Instead of trying to fit talks into your plan, enjoy conversations that come up out of the blue. This method helps people talk to each other.
Open communication is key to a healthy connection between a parent and a teen.
Being open makes it easier to talk to people. Make time for your kid to show that you care about what they have to say. To help people talk to each other more, go for a walk or cook together. You can get your teen to talk by making the room feel relaxed and free of judgement.
#9. Repeating Yourself
Repeated communication can hurt the relationship between a parent and a kid and make it harder for them to connect in a meaningful way. You should think about better ways to solve your problems when you can’t break out of a pattern where you keep saying the same things over and over.
Solution
Here are some tips to stop repetitive communication:
Listen First :Instead of lecturing your teen, take time to really listen to what they are saying. Show interest in their thoughts and feelings.
Solve Problems Together :Rather than telling your teen what to do, involve them in coming up with solutions. Ask for their ideas.
Be Supportive: Respond to your teen in an understanding way instead of the same old argument. Let them know you care.
Find New Solutions: If what you’ve been doing isn’t working, try different approaches or compromise. Don’t keep repeating yourself.
#10. Lack of Empathy
Parent and teen trust and understanding can be hurt by not having respect. To have a good bond with your teen, you need to understand them. It means paying close attention, confirming how they feel, and picturing what they are going through.
Understanding their point of view can help create a safe place for honest, caring conversation.
You need to know how other people feel in order to understand them. As a parent, you should still be there for your kid even if you don’t understand how they feel. Tell them you have their back and care about how they feel.
Okay, I have to tell you examples all the time..let take this as an example.
17-year-old Simone is struggling with her body image and confides in her mom that she feels ugly and hates the way she looks. Her mom dismisses Simone’s feelings, telling her “You have nothing to worry about, you’re beautiful! I don’t know why you’re complaining.” She continues lecturing about worse problems others face.
This answer shows that you have no understanding at all. The daughter’s deep worries are ignored by her mother, who gives her empty platitudes. What her daughter felt safe enough to share, she doesn’t listen, understand, or connect personally with. The mum then changes the subject to something unrelated instead of helping. Simone feels invisible, alone, judged, and even more nervous after being rejected.
Solution:
To build empathy, think about things from your teen’s point of view.
YES…its an important thing….just understand this.
To do this, you have to see things from their point of view. By showing you their thoughts, problems, and wants, this helps you understand and connect with them.
Communicating with compassion makes understanding grow. Use words that are polite, and respectful, and don’t judge. Do not put down their feelings or situations. Pay attention to their problems and show that you care.
It takes time and work to be empathetic. To really understand your kid, you need to be patient, listen carefully, and want to learn. You and your kid may be able to build trust, understanding, and respect through empathy.
#11. Not Considering Teens’ Point of View
When you don’t listen to or consider what your teen has to say, you’re not only missing out on important information but also building a strong and trustworthy bond with them. Teens need to hear positive things about themselves in order to stay emotionally healthy and grow.
Become more aware of the thoughts and feelings that other people(teen) are having. This can help your empathy grow and cause a change in your own viewpoint.
Here are five reasons why disregarding your teen’s perspectives is detrimental:
- Ignoring opinions devalues them and causes anger and contempt.
- Teens need acceptance and empathy to manage difficult emotions and experiences.
- Dismissing their opinions might limit communication and relationship-building.
- Hearing their opinions might help you understand your teen and build your relationship.
- Encourage open communication and consider their opinions to build trust and respect.
Solution
It is very important to actively listen and support what your teen is saying. Even if you don’t always agree, take the time to understand how they feel and what they see. By doing this, you can help your teen develop empathy and change the way you see things, which will lead to better and healthier interactions with your teen.
#12. Negative Communication Patterns
If you don’t care about what your teen thinks, it can hurt their social and mental health.
Avoiding making assumptions, showing empathy, moving blame, using guilt, giving value, and talking about shame can make it harder for you to connect with and understand your child.
If you make assumptions about what your kid thinks, feels, or plans to do, you run the risk of ignoring their real feelings and experiences.
Solution:
Help people feel kindness by listening carefully and trying to see things from their point of view. Don’t blame your kid for problems.
I feel guilty and low about myself because of this. Own up to what you did instead, and work with others to find answers.
#13. Punishment Over Discipline
If you punish your teen instead of disciplining them, it can hurt their growth and your bond with them.
It’s important to know the difference between correction and punishment. Discipline is about teaching your teen how to make better decisions, while punishment is about getting back at them and making them suffer for their mistakes.
Why punishment doesn’t work:
- Punishment doesn’t encourage good behavior. Discipline rewards your teen for making good choices.
- Punishment doesn’t provide clear rules. Discipline sets expectations so your teen understands what to do.
- Punishment creates a negative environment. Discipline gives emotional support.
- Punishment stops your teen’s growth. Discipline helps them learn from mistakes.
- Punishment makes you a negative role model. Discipline shows your teen positive ways to handle problems.
Solution
If you punish your teen instead of disciplining them, it can hurt their growth and your bond with them. It’s important to know the difference between correction and punishment. Discipline is about teaching your teen how to make better decisions, while punishment is about getting back at them and making them suffer for their mistakes.
#14. Undermining Independence
Know your teen’s needs and encourage them to be independent so that you don’t hurt their progress or your friendship. Freedom supporters feel more confident, independent, and able to grow.
Giving your teen the tools they need to be self-sufficient gives them the strength and drive to face life’s challenges.
Solution
Giving your kid the freedom and tools to make their own choices will help them grow up to be independent. One way to do this is to talk and listen. Giving your kid a safe place to talk about how they feel and what they think shows them that you value their opinion and trust them to make their own choices.
Here is a table that illustrates some ways you can support your teen’s independence:
| Supporting Independence | Nurturing Self-Reliance |
|---|---|
| Encourage decision-making | Foster problem-solving skills |
| Allow freedom within boundaries | Teach responsibility and accountability |
| Provide guidance and support | Promote self-acceptance and individuality |
| Celebrate their achievements | Encourage exploration of interests |
#15. Ignoring Emotional Well-being
Why ignoring emotions hurts:
- Not accepting feelings makes teens feel invalidated.
- Teens need parents to understand their complex emotions.
- Dismissing emotions prevents healthy communication.
- Listening builds insights into your teen’s inner world.
- Openness creates trust and support when vulnerable.
Solution
Your teen’s emotions matter. By tuning into their emotional world, you can understand their perspectives better. This allows you to offer guidance tailored to their needs.
Supporting their journey requires empathy, not denial. Make your teen’s feelings a priority through compassionate presence. This emotional connection enriches the parent-child bond.
In Final Words
So, I think you 15 will understand what you did wrong and fix it.
Excellent work!!!!
You can build a strong and respectful relationship with your teenager if you follow the tips in this piece and don’t make the common communication mistakes that are talked about.
Remember that good communication is a strong tool that can help your teenager do well by making the home a safe and supportive place to be.
To sum up, remember to keep listening, making limits, and having fun.
You and your teen can build a strong relationship that will support their emotional health and improve their general development.
I want to know if you relate this article to you or your teen. i want to know your responses in the comment box.
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As a mom of teens and a pediatric Psychologists, I struggled to build trust. Through openly sharing my ups and downs raising two independent-minded kids, I provide practical tips to improve communication and confidently guide your teens into adulthood.